Enraptured Page 4

  The heat from the air vent blasts directly into my face, making the too-hot air hard to breathe. I reach over and close the vent. I’m overheating quickly in my layers, so I reach under my seatbelt and unzip my coat. I want to ask where we are going, but the look on Todd’s face is unapproachable. His features set in a stern, angry look that I’ve never seen him wear. The drive seems to be going on too long when he turns off the highway and onto a gravel road.

  “You’re not bringing me out here to murder me, are you?” I ask with a quiet laugh.

  He just turns his head toward me. The lack of humor on his face makes me clamp my lips closed. He absolutely has a right to be angry at me for doing this because we’re friends. Friends aren’t supposed to enable you with their support, but they also can’t stop you from doing what you know is right in your heart. I never expect the rare friend that I have to always cheer me on when I’m being stupid, or brave. I just expect them to love me no matter what I do to fuck up my life. There are very few people in this life who love you enough to love you at your worst, at your dumbest, and at your lowest. I hope Todd will prove to be one of those friends, because I depend on him. He’s one of the few lights in my life.

  “No,” he starts, “I’m not bringing you out here to murder you. Although I am absolutely livid with you right now.” He stops talking to clear his throat. He’s nervous.

  “I think you know how I feel about you Ty,” he breathes. “At first, I blew it off because you’re so young, but then after all this stuff with Kade, and the last few months, I realized that my feelings for you are real. You’re the one person I want in my life. You’re the one person I want to share everything about myself with.” His fingers tighten on the wheel. I can feel the disappointment and anger pouring off of him. Thanks for that, baby spawn.

  “You have every right to be mad at me, Todd,” I say, “but absolutely no right to forbid me from doing this, no matter how you feel.” We pull into a winding driveway. I can see a huge house peeking at me through the woods. It’s old, Victorian. It looks abandoned, no lights shine, the windows are dusty. Smoke is absent from the chimney sticking off the roof. I shiver just thinking about setting foot into that giant empty house. I’m not shocked about his feelings, but his confession burns.

  He doesn’t respond. The car fishtails for a brief moment before he brings it back under control. My heart beats heavily from the slight feeling of chaos. I look down and notice my pale fingers wrapped around his wrist. I’m absolutely terrified of car accidents. The look in his eyes is torn, like he can’t decide if he wants to shake my hand off, or grab it and tell me everything is okay.

  The car stops in front of the old house. The sun has almost completely sunk behind the horizon. My car door swings open and the ice cold air rushes through the car. It almost feels good on my sweat-soaked skin. A kiss of cool on heat. Todd exits the car and starts to make his way through the snow to the house. The wind has wound its way through the trees causing the white powder to drift into an ankle-deep mound leading up to the front steps of the house.

  Snow falls into the tops of my vans, but it wouldn’t matter anyway since the canvas soaks from the outside. The direct cold wet on my toes makes them ache. My fingers grip the banister of the stairs as I make my way up behind Todd’s tall form. He’s got a key in the front door when my foot hits the second stair. He turns and waits for me to make my way delicately up the ice-covered steps. He’s being cold to me, and that burns worse than the below-freezing wind temps.

  The house inside is huge, empty, cold. It lacks the inviting warmth of a home lived in. We walk past the front foyer into a living room. There is a couch covered in a sheet, and a fireplace. Which is where Todd is, leaning over a stack of wood. He’s lighting a fire. I move quickly to be beside him. My body is a conflict of everything lately. I’m either too hot, or too cold. I can’t seem to feel comfortable in my own skin anymore, and the longer I’m pregnant I am, the worse it seems to be. There’s a rug that takes up the entire area before the fire. I settle myself there as soon as the first flames begin to rise. The warmth runs over me. I take off my coat and set it behind me. I don’t even know where we are, but I’m making myself at home.

  Todd watches me from beside the fireplace. The flames throw light into the room, and over him, making him look more handsome. Less like my nice boss, and more like a dark stranger, a lover in the night, the half-demon that he is. He takes my breath away, and my chest rises and falls with emotion. Fear, lust, sadness, anger, they all rage through my heart. He steps out of the shadows of the fire and more into the light, and he looks almost like Todd again, but more.

  “Why did you bring me here?” I ask him.

  “Because I’ve had this house for two years, I’ve been slowly rebuilding it so it can be a home. But what good is a home without a family. Your apartment is too small for you and the baby. When you get back from Hell, I’d like for you to stay here.

  “I’m not going to stop you from doing this. I know that I can’t,” he says. His voice is thick with emotion, defeat, disappointment, fear. I feel every level in my bones. I accept it. I nod at him, in thanks. In understanding. His body sinks down next to me. His coat joins mine on the floor. His movements send his leather and cologne scent through the room. Mixed with the smell of the burning wood, I feel like I’m surrounded by Todd. The shadows shift in the house, and the air of danger lifts. I feel safe, warm, cared for. It’s a beautiful feeling.

  “Thank you,” I whisper. I mean it. I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t want to fight with anyone anymore, actually. Peace is always the goal. Hunters live for the hunt, but we do it for peace. Most of us know that it’s not something we’ll achieve for ourselves, but if I can give it to someone else, even for a short period of time, then my sacrifices are worth it. I don’t mention the house, or the fact that Kade will be with me when I leave Hell. Instead I accept this olive branch that has been passed between us.

  “What’s the plan?” he asks breaking the silence that seems to surround us.

  “Cast a spell, land in Hell, get Kade, get the fuck out.” I shrug, like it’s not a big deal.

  “How are you getting out?” he asks.

  “Maria has a spell for me. It’s actually a pretty simple spell,” I tell him. I don’t elaborate. He just has to trust me that I know what I am doing. Even though I’m not sure I trust in myself.

  “When?” he asks, moving closer to me..

  “A few days,” I whisper. I want to lean into him, and gather strength from my friend, but I resist. It doesn’t feel right to lead him on. Kade and I were never officially anything, but it felt like we were. It feels like we still are. At least to me. There’s too much left unfinished between us for me to start something with Todd. I’m not even sure I want to start something with Todd. I feel out of control. Like my life is just a spiral, and I’m hanging on with the tips of my fingers as I slide down.

  “You can do this, Tyler. You can go down there and survive,” he tells me. His fingertips tracing circles on my thigh. He chuckles lightly before adding, “I’ve never met someone who has so much fight in them, so if anyone can rescue a demon from Hell, it will be you.”

  Part II

  Into Hell I Go

  3

  How Hot is Hell Really?

  My apartment smells like herbs, and melting wax. The room is dark, quiet, and heavy. I can hear my own breath, and Maria’s. Bear is at Todd’s apartment, Maria thinking it was probably safer to keep my beast away from a portal to the afterlife.

  On my kitchen floor, a pentagram, with some esoteric symbols, all laid out with electrical tape. Maria fought me on that one. Until I told her about calling the shadowy creatures that shredded Kade. Only after that story did she relent. Thank goodness, because I’m pretty sure no one in this town would rent to me if word got out that I defaced my previous apartment with ‘satanic’ symbols.

  It’s strange being in the middle of the circle. I try to focus on the candles. The tin
y flames seem to ebb and flow with my breath, my eyes blur. The circle soon begins to feel like a living thing, the fire breathing with me. I don’t notice that Maria’s started the spell until it’s too late to change my mind. The room dims, and my limbs fail. My heart stutters in my chest, and my lungs shrink. I feel like I’m falling, and dying, and being born. It hurts. The room is warm. Warmer than it was a few seconds ago. The cool tile of my kitchen no longer exists. Instead I’m lying on gravel.

  When I open my eyes I’m staring up into a dark night sky. I’m on a gravel road. It’s the middle of nowhere. My head spins as I try to sit up. Bile rises in my throat, burning its way out of me. By the time I’m done vomiting, I don’t have the strength to hold myself up anymore. I lie back down on the hard gravel, the rocks digging into every part of my hips, my pack full of supplies cutting into my spine, the breeze whipping away the taint of vomit and bringing fresh air into my nostrils.

  I am so fucking confused. Am I in Hell? Because it sure doesn’t look or feel like it. Wherever I am feels very abandoned. A lonely road, in a lonely world. Minutes pass before my body is strong enough to support me. I unfold off the ground with stiff movements. Every joint feels like it’s been put to the test, like the day after a super intense workout.

  I start walking. I have no idea where I am, but I can’t stay here under the stars. I have work to do, and a home to return to. The thought of home gives me a sense of urgency and I’m able to shake out some of the stiffness. Each step is no longer agony. My mind is clearing of the fog, too. My senses are picking up on subtle clues around me. There’s a breeze, only it’s not as cool and refreshing as I originally thought. Instead it’s warm, the places where it touches my skin prickle from the heat. It almost smells clean, like an Iowa breeze, but there’s an undercurrent of something foreign. Something that’s not right. Plus, it’s summer here, and it’s winter in Iowa. This place looks generic, a cheap rip-off of the place I now call home.

  A mile passes, then another one, before I see anything that resembles life. Just trees, and grass, and this lonely gravel road. The trees look half-dead or dying, the grass, not quite healthy looking either. It’s not like it’s dying for the season change, but rather it appears that the living things here are in a state of half-life.

  A figure at the end of the road, lonely, walking just like me. I don’t notice until it’s too late to hide from it. If I’ve spotted it, then it has surely spotted me. I study its shape, its gait. It looks to be human, but if I’m in Hell, that doesn’t mean much. It actually doesn’t mean much anywhere, considering the beasts I’ve run across on Earth The lone figure continues on its path, and I continue on mine. Slowly, the shape slips more into view. First, it’s a ‘vaguely human’. Then it’s a ‘he’. Then, we finally come face to face. Only the faint glow of the moon illuminates us now. But it’s enough light for me to see him. It’s enough light to turn my world upside down. My knees hit gravel. Hard. My breath comes in and out of my lungs in painful gasps. I want to vomit. Because the man standing over me is Jake. And if I’m in Hell, then that means so is he.

  After Jake helps me up, we begin walking together. He’s heading back the way he came. We’re silent. I can’t find words to say. I poke his face with my finger. Once, twice. He feels real. I poke my face too; I feel real. But wouldn’t I feel real in a nightmare? Wouldn’t he? I’m too scared to come out and ask him about where we are, or what he’s doing here. I’ve never even considered the possibility that Jake would be in Hell. Suddenly, a dozen rescue scenarios are running through my head. I don’t know how death and Hell work, but maybe I can get Jake out too.

  “I know you have a lot of questions,” he says, breaking the silence.

  “I do.” I agree.

  “So start asking.” He looks at me. Our features are highlighted in the moon’s rays. It’s almost too dark tonight. A little off-center from natural.

  “So…we’re in Hell?” It’s not the first question I want to really ask, instead it just skirts around the edge.

  “Yeah. It’s not like we thought it would be, is it?” His eyes scan our surroundings.

  “Not at all,” I agree. “It looks like home, but slightly out of focus.” It’s hard to explain the small differences.

  “Well, almost everyone here came from Earth so they just built Hell to look close to home. Keeps the natives under control.”

  “Yeah…but…” I hesitate for a second. “Why are you here?”

  His laugh is dark, and dry. It’s humorless.

  “What, you think we go to Heaven, Ty? We’re killers. We’ve killed people. We don’t get a happily ever after. We get eternal damnation.” He’s stopped walking. When I look back at him he looks…tortured. His chest moves with each heavy breath he takes. His head is thrown back, looking up into the stars. I mimic him. I get it now. It looks like home, it almost feels like home. But it also feels wrong. And to someone who loves, loved, life and our earth as much as Jake did, this is torture. I don’t know anything about Hell, other than what I’ve seen, but I know enough to know that this place, with its weird vibes, would drive me insane.

  “How did you know where to find me?” I ask him, after a few more beats of silence.

  “Someone contacted me and told me to come looking for you,” he shrugs. There’s anger in the way he’s postured, but he’s holding it back.

  “Who?” I press.

  “A witch named Maria,” he answers with venom in his voice. We just stand there and stare at each other. It’s a standoff. I can feel his judgement. It feels shitty and heavy.

  “Just spit it out, Jake,” I tell him. I’ve never stood down from a fight with him. We were partners, equal. I wouldn’t let guilt and his death cow me.

  “What the actual fuck, Ty?” he asks. I’ve started walking again; we might as well be making physical progress while we hash out my new life. He grabs my arm, and turns me toward him.

  “I was lost.” Fuck, I can’t help the tears that well up in my eyes. “After you died. After you fucking died, I was lost. I was hurt, inside and out. I got mixed up in shit that was way over my head. Now, I’m trying to fix it.”

  “No, you don’t get to use my death as an excuse for your weakness, Tyler. Own up to what you did!” He’s yelling at me now. So much hurt in his words.

  “You died on me, you asshole, of course I was weak. You were the only person I had in my life, and you just fucking died. Like everyone else.” I’m mad too. I’m mad at myself, at him, at the shit-hand I’ve been dealt in life. Sure, I’ve made some huge mistakes, but I’ve also managed to survive.

  “I do the best I can,” I say, my voice so low I’m not sure he can hear me.

  “Well, it wasn’t good enough,” he spits. He drops my arm like I’ve burned him, and starts walking. I stand in one place. Dumbfounded. Jake never treated me so cruelly, not in life.

  “You’re different,” I say as I study his retreating back. “You’re harder, meaner.”

  He spins on his heel and laughs. His hands go into the pockets of his jeans and he looks down. It’s a move I recognize well. I used to think of it as charming, but now I’m still disgusted by how harsh he is being with me.

  “Did you expect me to applaud your situation? Or to understand it?” He quirks an eyebrow at me.

  “No, but I wasn’t expecting you at all, Jake,” I admit.

  “I didn’t figure she’d tell you about my involvement. It was the only way she could keep you from trying to save me too,” he says. “I can’t be saved, Ty. I’m dead, and this is where I am.” His words are fire and pain.

  I search his face, the face of the boy that I love. Or loved, because this is Jake, but it’s a new version of Jake. One that I’m not sure I know. I want so badly to save him. Still, now, even after he tells me that it can’t be done, my mind is racing with loopholes. It’s impossible to bring him back, because even if I did manage to get him back from Hell, he’d be just that. A dead thing coming back from Hell. And what’s dead should
stay dead.

  “Listen, can we just get this done?” I ask. I don’t want to be cold to Jake, not after our life together, but if he’s going to be a big meanie-head, then I’m going to be one right back. Closing myself off will protect us both, because he’s right. I do want to save him. Even now, I think I’d suffer an incomplete Jake, if only to have him back. I take five deep breaths. They center my mind, and my goal starts to come back into focus. Get Kade, get out.

  “Absolutely,” Jake sweeps his hand out in front of him, indicating that we should move on.

  The sun rises in this weird world, and with the daylight, my discomfort grows. This place is definitely not earth, and in the fake light of the day, the differences are more obvious. We quickly approach a mid-sized city. I can hear the noise of the town and it’s weirdly quiet. No traffic sounds, because there are no cars here. People, or are they demons? I’m not actually sure who is who and what is what at this point. Anyway, they travel via foot. They speak in hushed voices, they keep their heads down, and they blend in. If I had to guess, I would say these are damned people. No demon would seem so submissive.

  The crowd thickens as we approach the center of the city. The buildings get larger, more elaborate. Demons now move amongst the trodden masses. Their tall gracefully beautiful forms stick out. I keep my eyes peeled for Kade.